State Secret:
Jennifer Lopez' Cellulite

 

With her stint as an “American Idol” judge, and the release of a new album, Singer/Dancer/Phenomenon Jennifer Lopez' career underwent an impressive resurgence.  To top it off, she ranked first in People magazine’s list of Beautiful People of 2011.  Yet there is something J-Lo understandably wants to keep on the Down-Lo.  Her celebrated curvy figure also has some mini-curves that most find less desirable: the epidemic affliction known as cellulite.

 

Presumably concealed or photoshopped out of most of Lopez' publicity pics, her significantly dimpled thighs are occasionally revealed.  The cause of cellulite remains a tremendous area of research, rivaling the quest to figure out how Justin Bieber maintains such an extreme level of cuteness.  The latest thoughts are that fat cells collect around dense tissue bands that are pulled down to leg muscles.  Clearly, very little has been learned since our review of this sinister subject in 2008!


Unfortunately, this doesn't stop the promotion of firming creams and devices claiming to treat this aesthetic plague. Putting the "sell" in cellulite,  endermologie, mesotherapy, lasers, countless goops and potions all purport to reduce the rumpled appearance, supposedly promoting smoothness, beauty and world peace.

 

Yet if any of these treatments were effective, even at a cost that only the top one percent of the “One Percent” could consider, wouldn’t someone like Lopez leap (and shimmy) at the chance?  Unless one wants to selflessly invest in the economy, creating jobs for those toiling on these “treatments” that show no impressive track record, it’s probably better to eat right, enjoy exercise and use sunscreen to maintain the glamour.  The year that there is an effective treatment for cellulite, we presume Jenny on the Block will be the first in line.



Runner-up, State Secret:
Whatever is Under Santana’s Hats
Long before J-Lo began hiding her thighs, fellow Latin artist Carlos Santana starting wearing hats constantly in public. 
The last image showing the top of the Rock Icon’s head was likely when Disco balls were considered cool, not cliché (that would be in the 1970’s, young folk). Why the cover up? 

Time and hair lines march on. Peter Frampton in the 1970's...
...and 2000's.
Prog rocker Peter Gabriel early...
and later.

We assume, like fellow Dinosaur era rockers Peter Frampton and Peter Gabriel, Santana probably has a vanishing hairline.  Hair loss can be treated (pills, creams or hair transplants) or embraced.  At least hats provide sun protection.

 


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