Politician with Ambition despite Condition:

Condoleezza Rice


Politicians. No, they're not the one's usually commanding the attention of this website. If we want critiques of world events or analyses of economic trends we know very well who can give us an engaging, intriguing viewpoint: actors and athletes. That's why for commentary on the Middle East situation, forget CNN, MSNBC, or even Fox News. We turn to ESPN, Bravo and E! There's nothing like a hunky matinee idol or an anabolic steroid-addicted football player to clarify today's murky multinational morass. This leaves politicians like the Clinton's, Dubya, and California gubernatorial also-ran Gary Coleman to give us what we otherwise crave: Style.

Which makes US National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice all the more compelling. And we're not just talking about the creative spelling of her first name. Our question: what is this poised, talented, conservatively stylish American leader doing with all those facial bumps? You know what we mean: all the dark, distracting specks that resemble the confetti swept up after a political convention. Fortunately for Condi, these spots are not cancer. They're not infectious. They don't endanger her health in any way. The dermaterati know them as DPNs for acronym-lovers or dermatosis papulosis nigrans for fans of polysyllabicity. And Ms. Rice is not alone...

Bill Cosby, Morgan Freeman, and even rakish raconteur (and Skinnies winner) Ice Cube have 'em. Both actresses who played the Oracle in the "Matrix" films would not have been cast if they're faces hadn't been similarly speckled:

 

 

 

 Actress Gloria Foster passed away after shooting "Matrix: Reloaded."

 She was replaced in the third Matrix flick with Mary Alice

 Rest assured, continuity was achieved: the Oracle's DPN's remain.

Is the elective eradication this facial flotsam feasible? Yes. Lasers, or even use of electrocautery devices effectively clear these critters. Is treatment of the tiny tags intolerable? No more so than an episode of "Hardball." Topical anesthetics can be used, so the procedure is less painful than a White House press conference. Condoleezza Rice practically the leader of the free world, for goodness' sake! So why has she opted not to treat? Why?


We turn now to cunning correspondent Keanu Reeves for comment: "Whoa. Maybe so she could star as the Oracle in "Matrix 4: Retirement Plan?"


In your face, Chris Matthews!

Runners up, Politician with ambition despite condition:

 

 

 Senator John McCain (melanoma survivor)

 Governor Arnold (Bikini wax survivor)

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