Leading Lip Lesion:
Extra large moley moles in "Goldmember" and "Minority Report"

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then the lips are the window to the...mouth. Um, what we mean is, lips are important, too, for eating, beauty, and expression. Therefore, we usually don't want any pesky marks, growths, or scars anywhere near our luscious labia. By far the lip lesion most libeled this year was the large birthmark mole or congenital mole. Yes, we said congenital. It means present from birth. We don't want to hear any jokes about genitals, either. Leave that to Adam Sandler.

It is one thing to have a small dark beauty mark applied with makeup, like Rosario Dawson did for "The 25th Hour." This will draw attention to the lips. But any lesion bigger than a pencil eraser might distract the eye.


In "Austin Powers in Goldmember," no one mistakes actor Fred Savage's prosthetic mole as a cute beauty mark. Instead, it is the set up for a running gag: Savage is the good guy "mole" selected to infiltrate Dr. Evil's lair. Later in the film, Savage allows Powers full reign to describe all of the vicious acts he would perform to the remove the mole. Like so much of the Austin Powers series, the gag goes a little too far. But excess is necessary to vie for awards as prestigious as the "Skinnies."

 If, like Tom Cruise, you needed your eyes replaced...

 Would you trust a nurse...

 ...Whose mole is as big as an eyeball?

Director Steven Spielberg, who had a gymnastic cameo in "Goldmember," was clearly inspired by Savage's mountainous mole. So in his futuristic thriller, "Minority Report," a copy cat mole is applied not for humor, but for terror. To escape surveillance in an apocalyptic future, Tom Cruise must undergo black market eyeball replacement surgery. Don't believe us? See the flick. We soon learn his surgeon may not be trustworthy. The doctor's assistant appears, displaying only the second largest lip mole on movie screens this year. More than just a distraction, this protruding peak makes us fear for Cruise's safety. Which makes us wonder, if future docs are capable of replacing eyeballs, why is mole removal that difficult? Not to imply that well demarcated, evenly colored, unchanging moles such as these are dangerous in any way. But it sure would be a little embarrassing to leave a theater showing one of these two films, if one's lip was adorned by such a distracting dot.

Leading lip lesion, Runners up:

 Cleft lip scar
 

 Cold sore

 

 Ralph Fiennes in "Red Dragon"

  Joaquin Phoenix in "Signs"
 

 

 

 Robin Wright Penn in "White Oleander"

 Grima Wormtongue in "The Two Towers"

 

 


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