Star Wars Skin, Episode II: Send in the Clones

Alternate title: "George Lucas' next mortgage payment"

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Just when we thought we had had enough of the flicks from long ago and far, far away, then mercantile auteur George Lucas creates another batch of dermatologic denizens. Like Al Pacino from the Godfather: They keep pulling us back in!

 

Before Botox: Many furrows he has.

 After: The smooth brow. The calm state. The gentle smile. A Botox convert he seems.

Yoda, meet Botox. Miniature wise-man Yoda returns and takes his character to a new level. Rather than assume the lotus position and spout fortune cookie dialogue, he shows that he has a little anger himself. In fact, he's green as hell and not going to take it any more. Some have argued that a sword-wielding Yoda is out of character. Yet if he is able to break out of the meditative mode, perhaps he can take another leap and consider a cosmetic makeover. The only thing getting more press than "Star Wars" these days is Botox, the injected treatment which smoothes facial wrinkles. In one of only a few of our site's digitally altered image , we present how Yoda might appear as a Botox regular. Though it eventually wears off, the wrinkle-less look is more in sync with Yoda's mellow demeanor.

And doesn't "Botox" sound like a Star Wars character: "Botox Cartilagean of the planet Dermis." Or maybe "Botox Megacyst of the Eczema galaxy." If you're reading this, Lucas, and need some ideas for your next installment, give us a call!

 

King of the Clones

Scarred Bounty Hunter Jango Fett

Scars are nothing new to the series. Whether applied with makeup (Darth Vader), or seen on the actors (Harrison Ford's Solo or Mark Hamill's Luke), Star Wars Scars are souvenirs even the Jedi can't erase. Jango Fett is interesting. As the model for the Clone army, his genetic offspring are Scar-free. This includes his "son", Boba, not a son at all, but actually Clone numero Uno. We are not aware any scar that is transmitted genetically to offspring. Or any task a bounty hunter won't accept for the right price.

 

Skinema perennial Christopher Lee as Count Dooku

Christopher Lee joins the cast as the Star Wars character whose name is the most likely to make young boys giggle. As a deceitful Jedi, Lee makes that extremely difficult transition to a turncoat sun spotted wizard in "Clones," from playing a turncoat sun spotted wizard in "The Lord of the Rings." Lee has been a boon to this particular web site. Given his tendency for horror movie roles, Christopher Lee's characters seem to need a dermatologic attention the way Star Wars movies need dialogue revision.

 

Mace Windu has no hairdo

 
 

 Mace Windu doesn't need hair: he's cool.

 Don't mess with him: he's armed...

 Wait a minute! Is that a pink light saber???

With each hairless role, Samuel Jackson slowly eases the bald-is-evil stereotype closer and closer to the movie cliche trash bin. The man who made bald beautiful with that bad mutha (shut your mouth! We're talking about Shaft, and we can dig it), is now giving intergalactic villains the shaft as Jedi warrior Mace Windu. A Knight so cool he is even allowed to use the strangely non-Jedi phrase "This party's over!" So hip that he even makes a pink light saber look macho. Well, not quite.

 

Interplanetary Albinism

Lucas doesn't shy away from this skinematic stereotype: An evil bald character with albinism. Sly Moore, evil Chancellor Palpatine's close aide, has alopecia (hair loss) combined with white skin a movie "condition" we term albinopecia. Unlike other similar characters, she is not depicted as malevolent brutal killer, but she does succumb to one of Hollywood's unwritten rules about pigmentless roles. As is so often the case, the character with albinism can't help but dress in bright white outfits. As if their stark white skin wasn't signal enough of abnormality. SW expert Dan Glenn reports she hails from the dark planet Umbara in the Ghost Nebula. The lack of light spurred the development of the colorless Umbarans. This trend reinforces the groundless notion that humans with albinism represent some alien species rather than having a challenging genetic condition.

 

Facial tattoos: the new Jedi fashion statement

 

Horny Eeth Koth 

 Blue eyed beauty Luminaria Undulii (no, we're not making this up).

 Cheeky Barris Offee

Hot off the Republic landing pad: new Jedi fashion models. They wield light sabers by day, party to disco lights after the two suns set. For humans, decorative facial tatts are rare. Most people prefer to make semi-permanent illustrative statements semi-private, with discrete tattoos on the buttock, lower back, or ankle. Jedi knights clearly prefer bold designs that say: "May the face tattoo be with you."

 

 

Yo! Yo! Make way for Oppo!

Oppo Rancisis, that is.

That hair. Those nails. The...dark spots.

Speaking of fashionable, everyone's fave member of the Jedi council models the latest in high priest hairstyle. Here is an example of quantity over quality. The penthouse style bun is a clever foreshadowing of Princess Leia's trend setting danishes in Episode IV. Many women would kill for his nails, though they are so long that it's a wonder he's not killed by them. His dark hand spots are his primary fashion faux pas. Called "liver spots," and given the medical term "solar lentigines," these blemishes are sun induced. Yet what the sun hath wrought, lasers can thwart. After a quick session with a pigmented laser, this Jedi is spot-free and ready to do that voodoo that Oppo do.


Skinema Spoiler!!! Why is Anakin Skywalker drawn to the ways of the Sith Lords?

(Click on either image to get closer to the dark side of the Force).

As Yoda might say: "Many reasons there may be." Is he corrupted by Darth Sidious? Barred from loving Amidala? Sick of his silly ponytail? We at skinema.com have our own theory. Knowing that the skin is often a reflection of inner turmoil, we closely inspected Anakin's epidermis and may have found the source of his torment: Comedones. Yes, Anakin's an Akne-kid. The comedone is the lesion at the heart of many an acne breakout, these tiny closed pores clearly need more than a light saber face peel to vanish into outer space. With an ego bruised by being the solitary pimply Jedi, Anakin may feel he has no recourse than to hide under a black helmet and breathe heavily. But it need not be so! Comedones respond to any number of terrestrial treatments, from Retin-A, glycolic acid, and azelaic acid creams; microdermabrasion; some types of chemical peels; and if all else fails, Accutane. So, weary internet explorer, do not be seduced by the sinister Sith Lords. Get some treatment instead.

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